he thought i was a dude.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
