Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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