Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
