then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
