I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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