At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
