I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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