Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
