he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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