i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
