i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
it's great music for shaving your balls
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
