My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
