literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I checked into jail on foursquare
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In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
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his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.