one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him