If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?