I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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