I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
