We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
