He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
NoShamevember. You game?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
