Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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