While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
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I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize