Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
