i was born a porn star she said
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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