Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
