i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize