dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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