were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
