I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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