I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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