So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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