wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
So. Much. Porn.
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