Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Randomize
