Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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