i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
