we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
