You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
