I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
