I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize