I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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