Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
