He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
