I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
