it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
