i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
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what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I can't turn off my feet"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
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I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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