i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
