you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
