she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
