How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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