i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
