I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
