Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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