Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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