Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
