My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
as a side note pls kill me
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
