her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
