I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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