My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
