Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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