Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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