I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
