I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
