i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
