She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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