That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize