Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
