I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
